Harare-
While the majority of domestic violence victims are women, abuse of men happens
far more often than people know.
Berot
Ndlovu (53) opened up to The Zimbabwean on how he had suffered at the hands of
his wife Fadzai Gumbo in their sixteen years of marriage.
“Everything
that I did in the house was always wrong and my wife would beat me with any objects
in the house. I have permanent scars all over the body and I can no longer
twist my middle finger as she bite me almost ripping it off,” he said.
For
years Ndlovu did not speak out as he was embarrassed about his situation and
wondered what the society would say.
“Being
a men and wanting to protect my ego I never mentioned my situation to anyone.
This matter remained in my heart though I was burning inside. I was afraid of
becoming a laughing stock in my community,” he added.
Director
for Varume Svinurai, a men’s forum, Fred Misi said men are physically stronger
than women but that doesn't necessarily make it easier to escape the violence
in most relationships.
“An
abused man faces a shortage of resources, skepticism from police, and major
legal obstacles, especially when it comes to gaining custody of his children
from an abusive mother
“
At the moment men’s concerns are being over shadowed as there is a general
belief that women are the only victims of domestic violence,” Misi explained.
Ndlovu
said financial constraints in the house worsened his situation as he could not
provide enough for the family.
“
Our problems were emanating from the fact that I did not have adequate money.
My wife would scold at me saying I was not a man enough. At one point she
pulled my private parts saying that was the only thing that showed I was a
man,” Ndlovu added.
When
Ndlovu confided in his brother he was encouraged to stay as he was old and needed
someone to look after him.
“
When I told my brother about my situation he could not believe me but later
encouraged me to stay. He said I was getting older and needed a partner who
could look after me,” he said.
Victoria
Mapxashike, Director for Happy Marriages Consultancy acknowledged that most men
were being abused but were not keen to discuss their marital problems.
“
I have assisted a few men and you can tell that they will not be comfortable in
our discussions. At times they leave in the middle of the discussion and never
return,” Mapxashike said.
Director
for Musasa Project, a leading women’s organisation, Netty Musanhu said the number
of men who were victims of domestic violence remained suppressed as compared to
that of women.
According
to the 2011 Zimbabwe Demographic and Health Survey, 1 in 4 women reported that
they had experienced sexual violence and 1 in 3 women aged 15 and 49 have
experienced physical violence since the age of 15.
“
Moving forward lets fight as a nation to do away with all forms of violence be
it against men or women. There is need for government to implement gender based
laws, just having them on paper is not enough,” she told The Zimbabwean.
Ndlovu
who was residing in Westgate said he left his family at the beginning of the
year and is now staying alone at a farm in Chivhu.
